| Have you ever said the words, "This job/my life is so | | | | you so desire. |
| stressful!" Or something else along those lines? | | | | Since all behavior is purposeful, it helps to understand |
| Most people believe that stress is something that | | | | what possible benefits or purposes one could achieve |
| happens in their lives. They believe it is the result of | | | | by stressing. Who would ever choose that behavior |
| outside circumstances beyond their control. We are | | | | for any benefit? |
| stressed if our work is too difficult. We get stressed | | | | I say stressing can be motivating. Many of us perform |
| when people in our lives aren?t doing what we want | | | | at our peak level when we have that adrenalin rush |
| them to do. We are stressed when it?s been too long | | | | moving through our veins. Anyone who has ever |
| since a vacation. We get stress over deaths, | | | | waited until the last minute to study for a test or |
| weddings, major purchases and a host of other things. | | | | complete a project knows what I?m talking about here. |
| We talk as if stress is something outside ourselves---a | | | | Stressing can also be a way of telling others they |
| condition of things in our external environment. It's not. | | | | better back off. I know when I felt stress, it was my |
| Health professionals will tell us that stress is a | | | | unconscious goal to let my boss know she had better |
| contributing factor in many physical ailments---heart | | | | not ask me to do one more thing or I just might lose it! I |
| attacks, asthma, high blood pressure, stroke and many | | | | would send out signals of overwhelm---lots of sighing, |
| others. There are several diagnoses in the Diagnostic | | | | threatening looks, irritability, loss of humor. I have to |
| and Statistical Manual IV, the diagnostic tool of | | | | admit that since I didn?t do it very often, it was quite |
| therapists and psychiatrists that describe many | | | | effective. Whenever I was stressed, my boss |
| stress-related disorders. Stress is a killer. Have you | | | | generally left me alone to do my work. |
| ever wondered why some people seem to handle | | | | Stressing can also get us the help we need. When the |
| stress better than others do? | | | | message is out there, others may rally around us to |
| One individual may have all the life circumstances | | | | support us. People may actually offer to do some |
| purported to cause stress in one?s life but seem to be | | | | things for us so we can reduce the overwhelm. |
| just breezing through his or her day, seemingly without | | | | Another possible benefit is that stressing can provide |
| a care, while another person gets a flat tire on the | | | | us with recognition. People may say, "Wow, look at |
| way to work and has a total melt down. How can this | | | | _____________. I don't know how he/she gets all |
| be explained? | | | | that done. It's amazing!" There are some who |
| I intend to look at stress from a different | | | | appreciate this positive recognition. |
| perspective---a choice theory perspective. | | | | One final thought on stressing benefits. . . When we |
| According to Choice Theory, all behavior is purposeful. | | | | stress long enough, we may develop physical |
| This means that no matter what we do it is a | | | | symptoms. In Choice Theory, Dr. Glasser tells us that |
| purposeful attempt to get something we want. We | | | | are behavior is total, meaning it is comprised of four |
| are never simply responding to outside stimuli. | | | | inseparable component---the action, our thoughts, our |
| You may ask, ?What about when I flinch when I hear | | | | feelings and the physiology of our body or whatever |
| a loud noise?? The flinching is not a response to the | | | | our body is doing at that moment. When we don?t |
| noise, but rather your proactive way of staying safe. | | | | take care of managing our stress levels, our |
| This may seem like I?m splitting hairs, but it is an | | | | physiology takes over and creates physical symptoms |
| important distinction to understand in this discussion of | | | | for us. Now remember, I said all behavior is purposeful |
| stress. | | | | and physiology is a part of the total behavior. Do you |
| Let me give you another example. You may think you | | | | understand the purpose of the physical symptoms that |
| get mad at your child for not cleaning his or her room | | | | accompany prolonged stress? Of course, it is our |
| after you asked several times. It sure feels as if the | | | | body?s way of telling us we have to stop or slow |
| anger is in direct response to your child?s behavior. | | | | down. It produces the physical symptoms that are |
| However, your anger is actually your best attempt to | | | | hard to ignore. When we attend to them, we get the |
| get your child to do what you want. By displaying | | | | rest we need and therefore reduce the stress. Can |
| angry behavior, it is your belief that your child will go | | | | you see how all behavior is purposeful? |
| ahead and clean up his or her room. Any behavior or | | | | If you are experiencing the effects of stress in your |
| emotion we employ is a proactive, sometimes | | | | life, I am not suggesting that you are to blame. What I |
| conscious sometimes not, attempt to get something | | | | am saying is that up until this point, you have been |
| we want, not a response to external stimuli. | | | | doing absolutely the best you know how, consciously |
| The same is true for stress. We are choosing stress | | | | or unconsciously to get something you want by |
| as a proactive attempt to get something we want. | | | | stressing. If you can pinpoint what the benefit(s) of |
| This choice is almost never conscious, but I want it to | | | | stress is/are to you, then you can look at ways to get |
| become conscious for you. Once it is conscious, then | | | | what you need without having to stress. |
| you have the power to choose to do it differently if | | | | |